I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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