his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The adults are the big ones right?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
