Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
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New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
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My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I need to align my fucking chakras
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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