Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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