They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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