watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
