So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
