worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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