my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
