When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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