I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
