the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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