walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
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