So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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