oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
