in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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