just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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