No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize