The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
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I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
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I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's shark week go big or go home
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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