Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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