I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
