I feel like I'm in dance class right now
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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