So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
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yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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