I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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