I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize