so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
