and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
