You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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