You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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