found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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