how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
