you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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