ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
