I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
