In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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