i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
