i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
