My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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