she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
