i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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