my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
