i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
