So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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