I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
