All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
