alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
