Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
