What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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