just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
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The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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