Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
