ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
