you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
