I'll bet she douches with gravy.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize