She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
