Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
