My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
