I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
