YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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