Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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