i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
