Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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