I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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